A Permanent "Sour Note" for Cousins of a Local Band Member

 

During the last twelve years, I feel as though I've become a man who has fallen from grace. Being a "villain," isn't typical of me at all, but now it seems to be more of a norm. I recall the 2005 Star Wars film Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. In what was the final movie of a six-episode series that spanned almost 30 years, a young man named Anakin Skywalker succumbed to the "Dark Side" and became the infamous Darth Vader. Although my situation hasn't become that serious yet, and I pray that it won't, I couldn't help but air some "dirty laundry" about a family situation. The nice thing about having nothing left to lose is that I can't be knocked down much further. If somebody wants to sue me for liability, then my next question is this. "Sue me for what?" As the old saying goes, you can't get blood from a turnip. In my case, it's a matter of not being able to get money from a person who is already broke. I’m now trying to recover from a stroke I suffered last May. Just as my life was beginning to show signs of improving, I’m handed another ugly curveball. For the last five months, I’ve been in a medical facility trying to sort through the complications and inconsistencies that come with Medicaid coverage. In the meantime, I’m trying to walk again. I just hope that enough coordination will return to the right hand side of my body so I can have at least some chance of being independent again. I want my life back in the worst way. Unfortunately, some situations will never be the same again. For me, that involves some injuries that no amount of medicine can ever heal.

The situation I'm about to share is a very typical one, and it can create very ugly fallouts. It hurts even more when these fallouts destroy families. In one of the last emails to my now estranged cousin and Sweet Justice Lead Vocalist Beth Justice, I told her she could block me to her heart's content, and she now has. She lost her house in Urbanna to a fire in January 2018. Regretfully, there has now been another type of fire in this family. It's the fire that has now engulfed the bridge between my sister and me (pictured above).

 After a while, being trampled on and ignored becomes very aggravating. It also takes its toll on the spirit and the soul. Phrases like, "There's nothing you can do" and "We can't help you" get old very fast. I recently shared this story with the Southside Sentinel in Deltaville, VA. Of course, I didn't expect them to run it, but as I explained to editor Don Richeson, I hope this can at least bring better awareness to the importance of certain things. I also mentioned to him that I wasn’t looking for pity or attention. For anybody who wishes to read the details, you can do so in the three letters below. As for me, I've already said my goodbyes. There’s nothing left to salvage. I don't wish that on anybody. Thank you for your time.

October 2, 2021

To the Louisa County General District Court

It is with the utmost regret that I must file this Warrant in Debt against my estranged sister, Lisa Kennedy Brindle, for money I feel was entitled to me from our late Father’s estate. In retrospect, I feel that my Dad was negligent in maintaining and updating his will to reflect the wishes he had verbally expressed to me just before his death in March 2019. There is plenty of evidence to suggest he never made any revisions to his will between its creation in 2008 and his death 11 years later. As a result, the conditions of his estate were carried out using outdated information. It has now created a very ugly situation that has destroyed a family relationship.

In 2008, I was still married with a stable job, income, and a house in North Carolina. By 2019, however, my life had changed drastically. I was now divorced and struggling in many ways. I lived in transitional housing in Northern Virginia for several months. I had to declare bankruptcy in 2018, and I’m now dealing with a barrage of health issues which include type 2 diabetes, neuropathy, restless leg syndrome, sleep apnea, major depressive disorder, and most recently, a newly discovered heart condition (right bundle branch blockage). I’ve been working as best I can to seek assistance from services where I live in Fairfax County, including the Department of Aging & Rehabilitative Services (DARS). My ability to find stable employment was complicated further by the pandemic and also from my existing health vulnerabilities. Despite my efforts, I’m still dealing with a situation that has become very overwhelming, which has been compounded even further by having absolutely no money to fall back on. I still plan to work, but my health has become too much of an issue. In fact, DARS had to recently deactivate my case until I was able to deal with these health issues and thus be functional for employment.

Attempting to accomplish this has been difficult and complicated with only my Medicaid coverage. I’ve been flat broke and struggling in more ways than one for a long time. The only reason why I’m not living on the street or out of my pickup truck is because I’ve been blessed to have a family take me into their home for the last 18 months. I don’t pay rent, so I’ve been earning my keep by helping them with various household chores and repairs.

 

I think other circumstances surrounding this situation should also be noted. I lived with my Dad for most of the last three years of his life as his unofficial caregiver. In the meantime, my estranged sister did next to nothing to help me with this burden. It was during this time that our relationship began to deteriorate as my outrage at her intensified along with the feeling of being left completely alone with a difficult situation. Dealing with an elderly parent with health issues is challenging enough, but I was also dealing with health issues of my own.

 

I’d also like to note that my estranged sister already owned two houses at the time of our Dad’s death—the one where she and her husband reside in Louisa County and a riverside property in Middlesex County, which she was awarded in 2003 from another deceased relative. I was awarded $27,000 from my Dad’s estate, which was the amount in his bank account at the time of his death. That money didn't last very long because of my situation. A good portion of it was used to pay off my outstanding medical bills. I didn’t have insurance to cover these bills at the time. I didn’t have insurance because I didn’t have a regular paying job. I didn’t have a regular paying job because I was being an unofficial caregiver to my Dad. Are you getting the picture yet?

It’s very unfortunate that none of us seemed to be on the same page with any of this. The three of us should have gotten together before Dad died to make sure his will was consistent with his current wishes----not the ones from 11 years prior! During the last few years of his life, I didn’t want to pester him with those kinds of questions. I trusted that he had his affairs in order. Well, I was wrong, and now it has left an ugly fallout.

 

I thought my estranged sister and I would split the amount obtained by the sale of my Dad’s house in Wilmington, NC (not necessarily 50/50). I learned instead that she sold the house in June 2019 without even telling me, and then pocketed the entire amount. She later had the audacity to wonder why I had felt taken, or to quote her, “short changed.” To this very day, I’m still livid over this, and I’m not going to take it lying down. I realize the statute of limitations for contesting my Dad’s will has long passed, but that doesn’t mean I still can’t sue my estranged sister directly.  I’m requesting 25% of the amount she received from the sale of 774 George Trask Dr, Wilmington, NC 28405. I’m also including an email I wrote to a Wilmington, NC attorney expressing my outrage over how all of this transpired. I’ve been told more than once, “There’s nothing you can do.” Oh, yes there is!

October 14,2021

RE: Case # GV21000985-00

To the Louisa County General District Court,

This letter is to inform you that I'm withdrawing the Warrant in Debt against my estranged sister, Lisa Kennedy Brindle. After speaking at great length with some friends in the legal field, the consensus I've received is that my case is baseless and not winnable. Legally, that might be true, but outside of the legal realm, there are no “winners” of this case and with those who were impacted the most by it.

My Dad was negligent in keeping his will properly updated during the 11 years it was in existence. The will itself shows no record of any revisions or updates since its creation in 2008. As a result, my estranged sister received the bulk of the estate. The main thing I'm left with now is a lot of questions that will never be answered. Regardless of any arguments that the contrary, my feeling on this matter stands firm. The saddest part of this entire situation is that it has permanently destroyed a sibling relationship.

My Dad's legacy to his children will regretfully be his incompetence with improperly managing his final wishes. None of this is worthy of any praise or admiration, and no amount of money will ever fix these mistakes. This was never about money as much as it was about fairness, but there's nothing I can do about it now. For me, personally, this is a loss on multiple levels.

The only thing I can do now is move on with the resources I have and pick up the pieces. The grief and the outrage from this will last for a while. I hope this can be a lesson to others about the importance of properly maintaining your final wishes. The “ripple effect” can be ugly when things go wrong.

The final letter to my estranged sister

October 15,2021

Dear Lisa,

For just a little while, I’m going to put my contempt and outrage on the back burner long enough to share a few thoughts. As you’ll see in the other letter I’ve enclosed, I’ve withdrawn my civil suit against you. However, it wasn’t because I wanted to do so. I never thought you and I would reach such a volatile and unforgiving place, but the reality is that we have.

I’ve tried my best since Dad’s death to accept our new situation for what it is, but that has been a very agonizing process. What’s even harder to accept is how irresponsible Dad was when it came to managing his final wishes. You’ll never convince me it was fair that, at one point in time, you actually owned three houses. I didn’t just suddenly make up what I told you Dad expressed to me verbally about his final wishes before he died. He wanted to leave his house in North Carolina to me. His reasoning was that you had already inherited a house in Urbanna in 2003. He was only trying to balance his assets in a manner that was more equal between us. The only problem is that he failed to update his will to reflect those wishes before he passed away.

Regardless of how crazy you think I am, I not only feel “short changed,” but also betrayed. I feel like you and Dad might as well have spit in my face. This was never so much about money as it was about fairness. The manner in which Dad’s estate was distributed between us was anything but fair or equal. Even today, I still have questions about this entire process that will never be answered. Dad is gone, but the mismanagement of his final wishes and the resulting animosity between the two people he loved the most are what will define his legacy. As I’ve already said, the rift between us is permanent and ugly. There’s no way I can face you again without that contempt and outrage rearing its ugly head. It’s like having an ugly wound being prodded from a toxic past relationship. All I can do now for the sake of my own peace of mind is to walk away from you and this situation and never look back. Sometimes, just out of curiosity, I wonder what you say to your friends if they ever ask about me. Well, that’s up to you, but it’s you and I who now have to live with the ugly fallout this has caused.

Please wish me luck up here in northern Virginia as I struggle not only with financial issues, but medical ones as well. It would have been nice to have had at least some financial “cushion” to fall back on as I attempt to get my life back together. The pandemic only aggravated that process ever further. I’ve been nothing short of blessed to have been able to stay with a family in Falls Church during the past 18 months. They have helped me with a place to live while I, in turn, have helped them by doing repairs and household chores as a way of earning my keep. Had it not been for this situation, then I would have been on the street or living out of my pickup truck.

Then again, why am I even telling you this? I already know you don’t care. I have no doubt you’ve done just fine for the last almost three years without me in your life. Please continue enjoying your life without my being a part of it. As I’ve said before, I never felt like a genuine part of the family anyway. I’ve now made that official. I regret the ending was so ugly, but part of the reason for that was outside of my control. Maybe in the next lifetime, you and I can find a way to be civil with each other. I’m glad Mom and Dad are no longer here to witness this because I’m sure it would have broken their hearts. I miss them both. I miss a lot of things these days.

I guess that was about it. As they often say at the end of a 12-step group, “Take what you want, and leave the rest.” Goodbye, Lisa.